★On Being 1/2 “Black”
I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time.
I am half white and half Jamaican. My mom grew up in Illinois and met my father from Jamaica who went to college there.
Since most forms that you fill out only have a box for “Black/African American”, this is the option that I frequently choose when trying to describe myself, when I actually feel that it doesn’t really describe me.
While I don’t feel a connection to the word “black”, I am in tremendous debt to those who came before me who were actually “black” and paid the price for the current state of “equality” among groups in the United States. Because while I don’t identify with black people, back in the day I certainly would have been perceived as one. I certainly would have not be allowed to vote, own property, go to school, and live out my own version of the American dream. So it is with the struggle of Rosa Parks, the words of Martin Luther King, and the sacrifice of Malcolm X (among countless others) that I am able today to have a college degree and have a job.
For example, when applying for scholarships, I obviously put down that I was “black” because who was going to tell me I couldn’t. I won the National Achievement Scholarship which is given to “outstanding Black american high school students” who score well on the PSAT. Without this scholarship, I would have faced many hardships in trying to pay for my college education. Did I really deserve the scholarship? I don’t feel “black” but that’s how others perceive me.
So while I’ve gotten some advantages in being perceived as black — I haven’t faced the struggles. I haven’t ever thought to bleach my skin so people would perceive me in a different way. I haven’t been accused of shoplifting or stalked by mall security like countless other black people (maybe I have, but I haven’t noticed the stalking part). I didn’t grow up with parents that abused alcohol and/or drugs.
I will tell you one area in which I have felt my blackness — with women. On more than one occasion, I have been undesirable to a woman’s family solely on the basis of my heritage. It sucks. It’s also interesting, because in general I don’t really like “black” girls, not because they’re black, but because I just don’t find a lot of them attractive. I would totally date a black girl, it just hasn’t happened yet. While I don’t reject black girls solely on the basis of being black, I definitely have a bias against them (in terms of attraction).
The other interesting thing is how people like me perceive themselves. Growing up I never really thought of myself as “White” or “Black/Jamaican”. I was just a kid from a mixed background. When I read Barack Obama’s (shoutout to Barry!) book Dreams From My Father I couldn’t help but see that as a kid he identified more with being “black”. Growing up in Alief in Houston, there were people from all different backgrounds, so people didn’t focus as much on the issue of race. For Barack, it was much more a part of his upbringing.
A few months ago I read Neil deGrasse Tyson’s book The Sky Is Not the Limit: Adventures of an Urban Astrophysicist. He is one of 10 or so black astrophysicists in the world. No one ever guesses that he’s actually smart. In the book there is a classic passage about the plight of black men — many are accused of crimes they didn’t commit — others commit the crimes of JBB (Just Being Black) or WWB (Walking While Black). In the end, while I don’t feel black, I have figured out what my crime is — BBA (Black By Association). For the people who’ve come before me, I can accept that with honor.
